Friday, September 19th, 2003

Govardhan, Uttar Pradesh, India

Six Months

And counting...

Today is the six-month anniversary of my taking sannyas from Srila Gurudeva. Of course, by lunar calendar, the six-month anniversary was earlier this month, the day after purnima or full moon, on the 11th — but who's counting?

Six months. By the grace of Srila Gurudeva, I am still here, trying to do some service. How dramatically my life has changed in the last six months.

All my friends know that I am not a risk-taker: how have I become so audacious? Inspired by Goswami Maharaj and encouraged by Janardan Maharaj, and Srutasrava Prabhu, and by the example of Avadhut Maharaj, I have taken this leap into the world of faith.

So much confidence Srila Gurudeva has in me! Sending me to Russia and South Africa with Goswami Maharaj, and to England and Turkey with Paramahamsa Maharaj, to preach, to try to represent, in some small way, what he is giving.

I am acutely aware that whatever notion, whatever conception of Krishna consciousness I have received from Srila Gurudeva may be withdrawn at any time. It is not mine; it belongs to gurudeva; he has imparted that high conception to me for some time; it may be withdrawn at any moment; it is all adhoksaja — a gracious gift from above.

Srila Gurudeva is everything to us. In the Padma Purana we are warned that until we receive the connection of Srila Gurudeva (sampradaya-vihina ye) our so-called Krishna conscious activities have no value: the mantras that we chant will be useless (mantras te nisphala matah).

"I worship my Gurudeva, who with the shining light of knowledge opens my eyes that are blinded with the darkness of ignorance."