Durban, South Africa — Sunday, October 21st

Hungry for a miracle

God was almost eaten this week! The Post, an Indian-oriented weekly, reports that a local Durban man "found a Lord Ganesh-like imprint on a Simba chip... while relaxing at his home with a bag of flavored crisps."

"God is the provider, and he has shown us that if one has faith, anything can happen," says the Phoenix resident who discovered the deity. Luckily, he recognized his god before eating him!

God is so stupid sometimes! He's always appearing in potatoes, tortillas, slices of toast, and other assorted snacks! You would think that if he had something important to say, he would at least have the brains to appear before respected, credible religious leaders like the Pope or the Dali Lama... But no — he chooses to appear instead to hungry nobodies who just want something to eat!

What if the snacker didn't recognize him, and inadvertently swallowed him? What would happen to his message then? (If you accidentally ate Ganesh, how would you propitiate him? By washing down your snack with a glass of milk?)

People are so gullible sometimes! The Post melodramatically reports that a family member said that "Lord Ganesh made his way to their home by means of a packet of [potato] chips." (Isn't Ganesh's vehicle supposed to be a mouse?)

It is sensational claims like these — the so-called images of Jesus Christ appearing in a tortilla in New Mexico, the Virgin Mary appearing in a grilled cheese sandwich on eBay, or Lord Ganesh appearing in a potato chip in Durban — that make people (rightfully) scoff at religion.

These silly stories remind me of that hilariously irreverent episode of The Simpsons, Homer the Heretic, where God ends his conversation with Homer Simpson by saying: "Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to appear on a tortilla in Mexico."

Get a clue, people. Look, I can understand that you are hungry for a miracle, but believe me, God has better things to do than to appear in a burnt potato chip before a bored couch potato!

Tags: Humor

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Layout by iMonk — October 21st, 2007.